Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
