WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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