you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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