Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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