god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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