my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
