I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
