Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
