grandma shit on top of the toilet
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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