This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
