Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Panties = found
Randomize
