Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
