he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
