ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
