i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
