some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
