I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
