the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
