I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
