Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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