Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
