I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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