Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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