I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
