my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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