if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
