I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
