i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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