Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
