Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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