I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
