omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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