Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
