I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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