Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
