Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
