i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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