Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
