i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
