Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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