Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize