I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
