As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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