Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
