She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
