We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
