Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
