I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
