You're my little dorito
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize