it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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