i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
