I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
