guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
love makes seman taste better
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
