Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
