pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize