wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
