it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
