why didn't you poke me back
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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