at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
