A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
