Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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