Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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