the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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