I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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