as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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