you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
