I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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