My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
