Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
