You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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