Your face is a jimmy john
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
