Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
